And Then It Went Snap
by XxContagiouslyEmotionalxX
Summary: The beer and steak scene rewritten. CRACK


So-Okay. I was bored. And I felt like I needed to share my boredness with the world, even if it does... Fail.

Disclaimer: ... I disclaim everything mentioned. The line from Ellen De-whateverherlastnameis-

* * *

It had been a few hours since the first 'angel' attack. Everyone was... around. Jeep and Michael were in the back, getting boards to nail over the windows. Percy and Kyle were on the roof, completing their shift. Audrey, Charlie, and Sandra were downstairs, in the main room, doing nothing. Howard... was dead. Just dead.

And Bob?

Bob was cooking a steak.

Of all the things he could be doing, like helping board up windows, keeping watch on the roof, or comforting Sandra, who was wallowing in self-pity, he was frying up a steak, a bud light in hand.

Flipping it over, the man turned around and looked around the room. He threw his head back and took a big gulp of the beer in his hand before shouting. "DENNIS QUAID IS HERE."

For a moment, Audrey and Sandra just stared at him.

Then Sandra just blinked and shook here head, looking at him with a skeptical look on her face. "What?"

"I said DENNIS QUAID IS HERE!" Bob shouted again, waving his beer and tongs in the air.

"Who the fuck is Dennis Quaid?" Audrey asked, her voice confused and annoyed at the same time.

"Who the fuck is Audrey Anderson?" Bob mocked, sticking his tongue out at her. All that did was furrow her eyebrows and further her confusion.

"What's going on?" Kyle asked, running into the room, Percy not far behind. "I heard yelling."

"DENNIS QUAID, DENNIS QUAID, DENNIS QUAID IS HERE!" He shouted, his arms flailing about. He had began moving closer to the two men who had entered the room, his beer and tongs still in hand.

"What?" Kyle asked, looking at Percy, then back to Bob.

"What?" Bob raised his eyebrows before bending his knees, his eyes flashing back and forth. "What, what in the butt." He started in a voice that was just above a whisper. "I said what, what in the butt. You wanna do it in my butt, in my butt?" He said, looking directly into Kyle's eyes. "You wanna do in my butt, in my butt?" Bob said, prancing over to Kyle.

Everyone is the room was frozen, 'cept Bob. Bob was definitely not frozen.

"You wanna do it in my butt, in my butt?" He said, now in the face of Kyle. "You wanna do it in my butt?" Their faces were mere centimeters apart. "Okay!"

As Bob said that last word he pulled back and began dancing around behind the counter.

At this point, Michael and Jeep decided to make an appearance.

"Dad?" Jeep looked at his father, eyes and voice full of concern. This was strange. But that was obvious.

Bob quit dancing and looked to his son, a huge smile growing on his face. "Jeep!" He said, going up to the boy and putting a heavy hand on his shoulder. Bob looked into his worried eyes and smiled even wider. "Did you know you named after the type of car me and your mother conceived you in?"

"What?"

"It was quite cramped in there, now that I think about it... It was an awkward position we were in while in the act." He said, eyes looking upward thoughtfully. "That's why if you were a girl your name would be Butterfly." Bob gave a stern nod and continued dancing.

"Dad..."

"Bob, now listen here, you need to calm down-" It was Percy that spoke this time, though he had gotten cut off halfway through.

"Dennis Quaid to you." Pointing at the man who had spoken, Bob's voice was as serious as it had ever been. He remained in the position for a few moments then let his arm drop to his side.

Michael held up his hand, silencing the room that had began muttering and calling out to the seemingly crazy man. "Bob-"

"DENNIS."

"... Dennis... Who is Dennis Quaid?" Michael questioned, his voice as calm and still as it had been earlier.

"Hrm.. I don't know. I think I'll be Dennis Quaid." He said, puffing his chest out and moving it around.

"Bob, you need to sit down and try to get your thoughts together. You're acting insane."

"THIS IS INSANE~!" The man shouted, climbing up on the counter. "The Virgin Mary-" He said gesturing to Charlie. "Is suppose to be a VIRGIN! Not some hick-town whore!(This earned him a "HEY!" from said hick-town whore) And angels are suppose to try and prevent the death of the Savior of Mankind! Not kill them! Quaidman knows what he's saying-..." Bob said, beginning to quiet down.

The room was silent. No one moved, but everyone was staring at Bob, self-pronounced- Quaidman, like he was crazy. Which, he was, so it didn't really matter.

After a minute in silence Bob looked at Michael again. "Hey- Michael. Did you ever sing 'I Believe I Can Fly' while flying?"

"..." Michael blinked at him, but didn't answer.

More awkward silence.

Bob blinked and jumped off the counter, screaming mid-jump. "DENNIS QUAID IS-"

_Bang._

"Dennis Quaid is dead." Kyle said, putting his gun back inside his coat.

No one said anything, just stood in the silence before continuing what they were doing before.

The steak was left forgotten.


End file.
